Cake or Death: Part II

Get ready to get OMFG SO EXCITED!


   It’s time to talk more about cake! And I’m PUMPED! Actually, I’m not pumped. I’m having a hard time finding a good photographer for my wedding, and I’m about to cry. Photographs are more or less the most important part of a wedding. Anyone who’s gotten married lately will tell you that the whole day is pretty much a blur, and were it not for the photographs, they’d forget everything.

   But whatever, the cake is SOOOOOO important, and I’m going to have to take time out of my life to meet with bakers and go to tastings and pay $700 for a mountain of sugar I’m not gonna eat and fuckety FUCK! Anyway, on with the goddamn show-stopping edible sculptures:


 The style of my hypothetical wedding cake is pretty much dictated by the setting of my wedding:


It’s pretty. So, we ought to pick a cake that will feel right at home among the colorful pagodas and paper lanterns embellished with stately pandas. Here’s a few I like:


Now, although there are cherry blossoms blooming in the “location” photo, my wedding is in October, so there will be no cherry blossoms in bloom. So, a cherry blossom cake pretty much makes no sense. 😦 But, it is really pretty.


This cake had a very “exclusive Thai spa” thing going on. It’s a little to island-y for my wedding, and the colors are all wrong. But so preeeetty!


This cake is just a bundle of twee cuteness. I like it, and it fits with my wacky wedding theme: Mid-Century Chinoiserie (shoot me now, y’all, I’m a pretentious ‘tard.). It seems easy enough to execute, and possibly may not be all that pricy. Gotta hand it you you, birdcage cake, you’s a contenda!


Finally! My colors in a cake! However, too island-y again. It’s not like we’re serving a sandpit-roasted whole pig at the reception. I like the squareness of it, very modern.


This cake is good, great colors, simple. But, I never thought I’d say this, it doesn’t fit the theme well enough. It’s also a tad too modern. This is Mid-Century Chinoiserie, not you know, Modern Asian/Swiss Dot Whatever.


Hello lover. Hot! I love this cake. Asian, wihout clubbing you over the head with a roast duck or something. The bamboo looks so real, I may have to watch out for hungry pandas coming out of left field to NOM NOM adorably all over my cake. (Actually, I’d pay $700 to see that. Eat my cake, you fluffy, 2-toned, endangered balls of CUTENESS!) The only downside is that the bamboo and the leaves are all made from sugar which = $$$$$. I’d try to do something like this, but maybe with real bamboo accents to keep the costs down. I may be a classy broad with taste in spades, but I’m still a stingy bitch.


THIS CAKE! I big, puffy HEART this cake. It matches the decor of the location perfectly, and better yet, it reminds me of the Peony Pavillion scene in House of Flying Daggers:

The cake is hand-painted, which may cost more or less than a fondant-embellished cake depending on who’s making it. If the maker specializes in painted cakes, get ready to sell your kidney. However, if the baker usually does crazy-pimped-out cakes, (s)he may paint you up a cake for a song, due to the relative ease of the task. OMG, crapshoot! But I love this cake so, I think I’ll try for this design, but with a caveat:


I’d like to do it as shown in the above pic: Small, pretty cake accompanied by an army of mini-cakes in it’s likeness.

   I feel it’s a good compromise to the cake dilemma I’m facing. I feel that not only are small desserts likely cost-effective, but are also easy to transport, and there’s less risk of disaster. YES, bakers DO drop cakes on the way into receptions. It does happen. Which is why you usually have to pay for “cake insurance.” Cake insurance usually costs about $300 and consists of having your baker basically have a backup cake on hand if your mountain of buttercream should come crashing down. Think of the waste involved with that- a whole cake just sitting there waiting for the worst case scenario. The labor? The painstaking effort of crafting two cakes? The waste of the understudy cake that gets thrown out when the prima ballerina cake fails to break her ankle during dress rehearsal? You get my drift. I’m pretty much dead-set on tiny sweet foods at my wedding. So there.


Tell me what you think of my sweet, sweet cakies in the comments.


10 responses to “Cake or Death: Part II

  1. you are reminding me of why it took me so damn long to decide on cakes for my receptions – once you start really looking at designs and themes you totally fall in love with the promised beauty and elegance of these confectionery tarts. that first bamboo cake would have been *perfect* at my wedding.

    dammit, now i want a do-over.

  2. lovely choices! the cherry blossoms, bamboo, birdcage and handpainted carp are all stunning and so unique! i do love the idea of doing cupcakes–they are so trendy now, and you can do a couple cake flavors, which will be certain to please the masses (plus it will prolly cost you less than a big ol’ honkin’ tiered creation)! i also love the idea of using real bamboo leaves and/or flowers instead of fondant. my friend who is a florist has done some GORGEOUS arrangements on cakes. we live in a beach town, and most of her weddings are really beachy feeling, but she is really creative and has a great eye–i will ask her if she has any ideas for mid-century chinoiserie.

  3. Kadinsky- based on what you told me already about your wedding, I’d say you really should have a do-over. Or, at least a second honeymoon or something.

    Wigglepups- Yes! Please ask your creative friend for some ideas. I love creative friends, don’t you? They’re the best!

  4. Those are gorgeous! I’d want to go all Miss Havisham and keep it locked up in my house for years and years and years. It’s too pretty to eat.

    My sister is a professional chef- I can ask her for some cake money savin/decoratin’ tips as well, if you like.

  5. picklesinmytuna

    Yumm cake. They all look beautiful. I wish I was going tasting with you.

    But the most important part of the wedding, as a guest, is the open bar.

    Mosel tov! Live long and prosper little panda.

  6. clever.otter

    That orchid cake makes me want to get married. And if you do have a bamboo cake and the pandas go crazy on it, I want pictures!

  7. myrtlebeachbum

    For you, I like the dragon cake. It’s just so…you.

    For him, I like the cupcakes.

    For me, I liked cake tasting. I really dragged the process out, visiting several different bakers, just so I could eat more cake.

  8. dorothyzbornak

    They’re all so pretty, but I’m still loving the cupcakes. Maybe it’s because I love cupcakes in general. But MBB is right, that dragon cake is so you.

    Also, if you’re looking for a good photog, check out your local paper and see if anyone’s work looks interesting to you. Because nine times out of ten, the photographers at the paper also do weddings, a lot of times much cheaper and cooler than traditional wedding photographers. I have a lot of friends from my old newspaper job who do weddings and their pictures are very cool, documentary style stuff instead of the cheesy, posey-posey shit you tend to see.

  9. LadySkittlehattington

    Oh! I like The House of the Flying Daggers cake! And the first one.

    And I’ll have a glass of milk to go with that. Thanks!

  10. absolutely beatiful

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