Don’t you know you’re driving the modest-budgeted brides insane? (Yes, I’m trying to invoke Bowie, and I’m pretty sure I’m failing.) Anyway, it really is torture that I can’t afford 90% of what follows in this post, but that’s life.
When doing a post about wedding gowns I love, It’s hard to know where to begin. Because, contrary to my acidic tone on this blog, I actually like a lot of stuff. I mean, just look at Dorothy Dandridge up there in her Oscar de la Renta gown. I’ve pretty much spent my life wishing to have occasion (and funds) to wear such a dress. Unforch, my wedding is not such an occasion. But whatever. Let’s look at the pretty things after the jump.
(WARNING! This post is very long, b/c I felt like if I edited the images down any, I’d be cheating you guys. Who doesn’t love pretty dresses? Prepare to glut yourselves on the gorgeousness.)
I honestly find it shocking how often people need to be told what looks good and what doesn’t. I’m talking, of course, about the most alarming trend in the bridal world this side of baby’s breath: the Used Kleenex Dress.
Ask any bride what she went through in order to find her dress, and the answer you’ll never hear is, “I walked into a store. I saw a dress. I liked it. I bought it.” Ohhh noooo. That is not the way of it. The buying of the Dress of Your Life is never such a simple, pedestrian affair. Nay, the arrangement of one dressmaker making, one store selling, and one consumer consuming belies the epic, Melvillian odyssey that is the quest for the One. The stalking and procuring of the garment encompasses every plot conflict in the literary world: Man vs. Man (have you ever been to a bridal shop? Claws at the ready, people), Man vs. Nature (while dress hunting, it’s as if the whole world- the flora and fauna, the atmosphere, the very firmament of heaven all conspire against you), and -most assuredly, Man Vs. Himself. Or, as Disney chose to put it:
Please to be getting your sea legs on, for after the jump, we board the Good Ship Nuptualus and decend into a madness as deep as the fathoms of the Sea.
Posted in Captain Emo, Fashion, Funny, Wedding Dress, Wedding Planning
Tagged Cap'n Emo, Good Ship Nuptualus, Herman Melville, Julius Bridal, Moby Dick, Reem Acra, White Whale
Now, being 25 years old and having lived through some of the ugliest decades in history, I thought I knew ugly. Z Cavariccis, scrunchies, new agey bullshit, goth, mall goth, mall bangs, Mormon compound hair, “the Rachel”, shit, I thought I’d seen it all. That was because I didn’t know