I Am Trying to Break Your Heart.


I had a curious epiphany on my way to work this morning. Fiona Apple came on my ipod (shut up, ok?), and, as I stated on this amazing and fabulous Jezebel thread, Fiona Apple is a key player in my breakup sountracks. And apparently, lots of other people’s, too, if you follow the thread. Apparently, the power Fiona has to plumb the depths of your inner abyss of self-indulgent, lonely, heatbroken, sadbastardness is universally recognized by the generation of people born under the signs of Gen-X and Gen-Y, respectively. But lately, when Her Waifiness pops up in the shuffle, I skip the song.

(Gawd, I’m about to sound like such a fangirl, but for serious, I really only like this chick’s music when I’m dumped and need the type of encouragment that can only come from such a truly, truly unhinged bitch.)

   Not long ago, when I listened to a Fiona song I’d almost always get a brick in my throat thinking about whatever douchecanoe I had split with most recently. Now that my Single Girl Angst had subsided, all the lustre has faded frm the Apple. I don’t sing along and beat the steering wheel and think about What WAS and What Could Have BEEN anymore. Which is great & all but… In truth, actually got a little nostalgic for the brand of heartache that, if all goes according to plan, I’ll never experience again. It has really, truly dawned on me that a chapter in my life is closing.

    Don’t worry, I’m not going to mourn my single days because I’ve not forgotten (and you all know this) that being single pretty much sucks. So, in the place of all the symphonic recollections of unrequited love, a new and different musical yanker-of-heart-strings has appeared:

(pack an airsickness bag, y’all, it’s about to get serious….)

 Music that reminds me of my husband-to-be. (Awwwwww, barf.)

(This is an actual Finnish air sickness bag. You needed to know that.)

   Music has always been a key part of our relationship. I’ve never been with a guy that has shared my exact taste in music (minus the overly girly stuff, like the aforementioned artist. If a guy I was dating was into her, I’d have cause to worry.), and to have a guy never play a single artist I hated was a fucking relief, lemme tell you.

   This one time, a guy picked my up for a date, and he told me to pick some music to put on in the car, and handed me two huge CD wallets to look through. Two giant, 200-disk each albums full of almost nothing but Clint Black. I wanted to open the car door right then & pull a “tuck & roll” on the freeway. And then this other time, this guy took me on a 1st date to a Radiohead concert (I think this was 2003, when they were doing a sold-out arena tour) which was all well & good, but the opening band was Supergrass. When they came out, he was all, “Who the fuck are these guys?” Bear in mind, HE was 31, and I was 20, and HE didn’t know who Supergrass was. One of the 1st records I ever bought, Supergrass is dear to me, so for that and a variety of other reasons (namely that he got piss-ass drunk, endangered my life with his drunk driving, and generally was a twatwaffle of the skankiest pedigree) there was no second date.

   Mr. Panda put on Supergrass on one of our 1st dates. Awww, bless it. And then, not a month into our relationship, Mr. Panda made the most bombass mixed CD of songs he said reminded him of me. Cheekily, he titled it “Hot Buttered Love” which is a cute play-on-words, while still giving nod to an actual genre of music (OMG! Trivia! I live for trivia!). That’s when I knew he was a keeper.

   What follows is a list of songs that remind me of Mr. P. In no particular order, and I’d advise you to not actually watch the youtube videos linked. Just listen to the songs and pull something else up on your browser to look at, because nothing kills the romance like douchey videos made by drooling, sycophantic fanboys. Prepare to weep quietly into your hoodies, people:

“Days” – The Kinks

“Northern Sky” – Nick Drake

“Ladies and Gentleman We’re Floating in Space” – Spiritualized

“I Will” – The Beatles

“Don’t Let Me Down” – The Beatles

“The Lovecats” – The Cure (shut UP, ok?)

“Ne Dis Pas Aux Copains” – France Gall (although the lyrics don’t entirely apply, but, it’s in French anyway, so what does it really matter? It’s still about love.)

“Any Way That You Want Me” – Spiritualized

“Forever Now and Then” – Clem Snide

“Raygun” (but only the 1st half, not the latter half where it gets all psychedelic)-  Gris Gris (pronounced “gree-gree”. I am so not afraid to be servicey) * I can’t find a video for this, so maybe I should scrap it?


 The comments might be a nice place to share with me your favorite love songs.

Some content on this page was disabled on October 5, 2015 as a result of a DMCA takedown notice from Steve Hopson. You can learn more about the DMCA here:



15 responses to “I Am Trying to Break Your Heart.

  1. PaisleyPajamas

    This might be too much information, but mix CDs from my honey-of-the-moment is like tattoos of lovers for everybody else: It’s the death knoll to the relationship…sometimes, before there ever was one.

    I’m glad it’s different for you, Biscuit. It sounds like you met your match! Maybe if I get a mix CD and the relationship doesn’t tank, I’ll know he’s a keeper this time? Hmmm…

  2. Oh man, Pais…. You know, I hadn’t thought about that before but… It’s true for me too! Every time I made a mix or a guy made a mix for me- dunzo before the 3-month mark. I even broke up with a guy so soon after making him a mix that I hadn’t even given it to him yet!

    AAAAAH! But, you know, Mr. P made that mix for me 3 years ago, so I think I’m safe.

  3. My guy and I are planning to use “In My Life” by the Beatles for our first dance at our wedding. Oddly, we both came up with that song separately, since it was a favorite love song for both of us.
    I had also suggested that we use the song “Behind Closed Doors” by Charlie Rich, just to make it uncomfortably clear to all our wedding guests that we like to bone.

  4. Score- Ahahahahahaaaa! Wouldn’t it be amazing to do some really nasty Prince song as the 1st dance? Like, ‘Cream’, or ‘Do me, Baby’ or something? I do actually know of one couple using a sexy song as their 1st dance, it was srsly the trashiest wedding of all time. I’m doing a post on it…

  5. yes, but what about a couple that plays “Wish You Were Here” by Incubus for their 1st dance song?

    I was matron of honor for my ex BFF and that stupid twat and her douchebag hubby actually made 75 guests watch them dance to that song, in a cheezy ass yacht club, in a smallish FL town, where an otter we know roams. The whole time I was completely perplexed trying to figure out why someone (HE picked it) would play THAT song as your first ‘we are mr & mrs. douchebag watch us dance’.

  6. Kadinsky- HOW can’t you even dance to that song? It’s not a dance-able song. That is so damn retarded.

    But the BEST wedding moment for me? One time, for the father-daughter dance, the bride picked Christopher Cross. You know the one- “Saaaiiiiiiiiiliiiing takes me awaaaaaaaaayyyyeee!!”
    I chewed my hand like a dog toy and there were tears rolling down my cheek trying to hold back the laughter.

  7. PaisleyPajamas

    Awww, come on! We had the worst possible, narcissistic song choice for the daddy/daughter dance just last weekend: Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful” somehow comes off gross and slimy when your daughter looks exactly like you. GAH!

  8. Kadinsk, I need details!

    My boy makes me mix CDs with Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D and Ludacris’s “Shake Yo Money Maker” on them, so I know it’s twoo wuv.

    And if we ever tie the knot, our first dance has to be for a very short song. I only have about a 90-second window before my mom’s baby brother starts pantomiming the dance from the sidelines as his unique and loving way of mocking us.

  9. Hi! Bellethellama here…found this through the NY Times-referenced blog (which is also fucking hilarious). This blog is fucking awesome, because you ladies totally get it when it comes to “wedding planning.” Which means you understand it when I follow that phrase with a massive “FUCK.” All of you guys are so spot-on at the Jez–I humbly ask to join as a commenter here, as a reluctant bride myself.

    That said, first dance song for us is “Masterfade” by Andrew Bird, beating out “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” by Neutral Milk Hotel because the same-named album as a whole makes me cry, it’s so beautiful…but as I’m trying to avoid weepiness that day, it had to be negated.

  10. Hey Belle!
    So glad to see you ’round here! Ooh, if you ever want to share any of your bridal frusterations with us, I’d be happy to have you guest-post! email biscuitdoughjones at g mail.

    Oh, girl, I looove Andrew Bird and NMH. “Aeroplane” is totally going to be on my wedding playlist! Exciting!

  11. Skinny Bone Jones

    Romantical. You know it’s for real and for true when the two of you can go to a giant record store and have a “system” down for music selection, yo.

  12. If I ever get married, I wanna use “Brick” by Ben Folds Five at my reception. OK, not really, but I was just trying to think of songs that would shock my Republican family.

    It seems like a lot of people-well maybe not a lot but a few-pick a song by a band they really like. For instance, a good friend and her hubby danced to Blue October’s “Calling You.” I don’t dislike the band but I don’t really like them either, and that song I personally find kind of annoying. Perhaps because I’m not in love, or perhaps because the lyrics strike me as a bit stalkerish.

    I know what you mean about a certain comfort in listening to a sad song and thinking bad thoughts about men. Fiona does that really really well. “Red Red Red” is so understated I almost didn’t pay that much attention to it, but then it ended up almost perfectly describing something I was feeling with a certain someone. When she sings “If I didn’t have to kill kill kill kill kill myself doing it, maybe I wouldn’t think so much of you,” it just takes my breath away.

    Good love songs…I’ll have to ponder that. Most of my “love songs” have an edge to them.

  13. My ex made me a mix CD, and the first song on it was “Fergilicious”, because we used to make fun of how ridiculous that song was. To this day, “Fergilicious” represents to me the best of our relationship.

    So embarassing.

  14. Oh, also? PJ Harvey. From another ex. He gave it to me, and then it served as his break-up music. Appropriate.

  15. Is it a bad sign that my current squeeze and I sing along to Mickey Avalon’s “My Dick“?

    I mean seriously. It’s somehow sappy sweet since shortly after we started dating i got drunk and told him his was my favorite ever. Then, after I threw up, he rubbed my back while I dry heaved. Bonding!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s