Hand in Glove

Welcome to my newest feature! I’ll be combing the Knot wedding profiles, online announcements, and magazines for people’s weddings to profile. But I can think of no better way to kick this puppy off than with a gallery of notable celebrity nuptuals:

Hand in glove

Culture Clash Wedding

   So far on this blog, I’ve just been taking the piss at tacky wedding shit. I don’t want to make this too much about my own wedding, because I’m just not that self-indulgent and I realize that the funny tacky shit is a helluva lot more interesting. However, there are some meaty and interesting issues with regards to my own relationship that are actually worth posting about.

(interracial LOLcats are hard to find, so settle for a tabby-calico mating and shut up.) 

 

   Mr. Panda and I are… Different. I’m a Southern, white, crazy Cajun and he’s a Korean-American Yankee. Neither one of us has a problem with it, obviously, but planning a wedding with so many different cultures and customs involved can be difficult. But, you know, I’m not about to post about this as if Mr. Panda and I are the only mixed couple from different backgrounds to ever get married in the history of the world EVAR, or anything like that. I know the gals over at Buttercup Punch will give me crap if I even tried to take myself too seriously about this topic, being that the two married Buttercups are they themselves in multi-culti marriages. (Which, I hope that they will come over here & post about sometime *hint*, *hint*)

   So yeah, I’ll avoid getting too deep and just tell y’all some stories. Pull up some rug, grab your blankies and your juice boxes, and I’ll get started:

 

Cake or Death: Insanity Interlude

 

    Sooooo, while I was researching my fantasy confections for Cake or Death: Part II, I noticed some rather alarming trends in the baking world. Actually, it seems to have gone way beyond a trend, and is approaching a full-blown wedding institution. I really hope that this is just some instance where my chi is out of alignment and it’s throwing off my Google-fu or something.

Please to peep the newest, hottest, burgeoning trend that the internet has barfed up all over my consciousness after the jump.

 

Ugly Dress of the Week: From Bulgaria With Love

Now, being 25 years old and having lived through some of the ugliest decades in history, I thought I knew ugly. Z Cavariccis, scrunchies, new agey bullshit, goth, mall goth, mall bangs, Mormon compound hair, “the Rachel”, shit, I thought I’d seen it all. That was because I didn’t know

Bulgaria:

The Garter Toss: Hulk SMASH!

(I sort of regret using such a heartwarming picture, seeing as how I don’t really want anyone to snark on these two. His suit is rad, and they look like a friends parents or your neighbors or something. Besides, they seem sufficiently embarrassed to be doing the garter toss. Anyway, y’all needed to see this pic.)

   When I think of tacky wedding traditions, there is one that immediately comes to mind. I’m sure it’s the same one that comes to most people’s mind when they try to think of the dumbest, most declasse’ thing that people do at weddings.  (Hint: It’s actually NOT the garter toss, which I’m saving for a later date.)

After the jump, get your hads dirty with the grossest wedding tradition in history..

 

Cake or Death: Part I

   

   I’ve only been engaged and wedding planning for 8 months, and yet I can’t tell you how many parental roadblocks I’ve encountered. Over really stupid shit like sash colors and fonts. Until now, I was never so aware of the degree to which Parents Just Don’t Understand . MY idea of classy and stylish is worlds removed from my parents’ ideas of class and style. Seriously, if it were up to my mom, I’d have sent my invitations out on postcards from Graceland and there would be nothing but pulled-pork barbeque at the reception. But at least she’s laid-back. If I had some uptight, Emily Post worshipping, Kennedy Dynasty type mom, then I’m sure I’d really have something to cry about.

  One place I didn’t count on a lot of static was from my fiance’s mom. This weekend we were casually discussing wedding stuff, and out of nowhere there was a very heated yet restrained pastry-related meltdown.

(after the jump!)

Damn the Man!

 

I’ve not yet introduced my Weddingbee obsession on this blog, but for now, I’d really like everyone to read this incredibly eye-opening taxtime post by the ‘Bee’s 1st ever same-sex wedding blogger, Miss Gingerbread. I love this post because it very succinctly illustrates just how much the government’s refusal to aknowledge same-sex marriage hurts fledgling families.

 

Ugly Dress of the Week

Making fun of Jordan AKA Katie Price is as easy as breathing. Or easy as seeing people’s naked bits at Mardi Gras. Or easy as starting a flamewar on the Consumerist. Or easy as schtupping 14-year-olds at a Fundamentalist Mormon compound. Whatever, the lack of effort it takes to rag on Jordan doesn’t make it any less fun. The above is a pretty hilarious comparison. May I also add:

 

The Garter Toss: Beauty no. 2

  

While certain wedding traditions have meaningful roots in religion and culture- the Italian chair dance, the breaking of the glass in Jewish ceremonies- the garter toss is simply a time-honored tradition in tackiness. Seriously, I don’t want anyone lifting up my goddamn skirt in goddamn public. There is a time and a place for cheeky sex-play, and the presence of my entire extended family and my husband’s family that I’ve only just met is clearly not it.

   So I’ve decided to dedicate this recurring column about tacky, ill-advised wedding trends and ideas to the infamous garter toss. After the jump, yuppies maxing out their self-indulgence allowance, and a head-scratching hipster homage:

Come with me, my love, to the sea, the sea of blogs.

   So, I feel like I cant start this blog without giving a nod to my humble wedding blog beginnings (“humble” as in, I’m humbled to be included in a group blog among such fantastic writers) over at Buttercup Punch. When I came aboard they told me I could write about whatever, so I penned a couple of posts about my wedding crap. The metallic taste of bridal blood was on my tongue and I wanted more.  Self-indulgent as it is, I’d really like to go a little more apeshit about my wedding planning than I feel comfortable doing over there.  So I started this little jewelbox of a wedding blog. I have every intention of still posting on Buttercup, but I thought narrowing the wedding focus could be a good thing. 

   I find temporary states of life to be pretty interesting subjects. Like pregnancy, you know, being a mother is forever, but being pregnant is a temporary state. I’ll be married (hopefully!) for the rest of my life, but the whole “bride” part is only for a little while. So, sucky and stressful brideliness makes for a great temp topic, like a travel journal or a captain’s log on a voyage or some Jules Verne-ish crap like that. So yeah, I’ll be Captain Emo aboard the Good Ship Nuptualus over here, whereas I can just be me minus the white dress over on Buttercup. Get it?

Anyway, a quick intro to my wedding blogging process thus far, so you can get a taste of my writing style and blah blah, peep my Buttercup entries:

A Night Without Flatware: Registry Woes

A Night Without Flatware II: The Revenge

 

Leave me love in the comments, and perhaps a giant squid or two.